Just For One Night
by oheyitsme
Summary: Will has always felt himself drawn to Tessa and now longs to pursue her. There's only one slight problem - Jem has already "claimed" her and made her his fiance. But as much as she loves the fair-haired male, Tessa finds herself longing for Will too. Who will win her affection in the end? And who will end up hurt?
1. Prologue

**This is just the prologue so it's a bit short. But they shall get longer & better. (I hope...)**

**Please review. & y'know, adding it to your Story Alerts is cool too. ;) **

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><p><em>Tessa<em>.

The name echoed in his head. And he smiled bitterly.

How could those two measly syllables cause him so much joy, but so much agony at the same time?

It killed him, just tore him raw on the inside. And just the mention – just the thought – of her felt like he was being resurrected and then brutally murdered again. Each day had become a new challenge – seeing her mirthful smile, seeing her eyes light up with glee, seeing her head tossed back in laughter; and knowing that it was because she was genuinely happy, genuinely happy with Jem.

That last name echoed in his head along with Tessa's. But the emotions associated with them weren't the same. They were darker, and he honestly regretted having them cross his mind. But he couldn't help it.

He couldn't help laying there at night, dreaming of holding her and dreaming of that fair-haired boy just dying, sometimes at his own hand, sometimes of his curse, but dying all the same.

He knew it was bad, wishing his _parabatai _– his best friend, his brother even – was dead. But everyday, seeing the newly engaged couple together, made those emotions swell in a dark mass, and the thoughts came to him more and more frequently.

Sometimes, he would even let the feelings take over him. He would freely let himself visualize everything he wanted oh so badly – and he wouldn't bother to stop them.

He imagined the drugs running out, his fair-haired counterpart slipping away in his sleep. He imagined Tessa coming to him for comfort, their hearts taking over; he imagined their lips clashing in an embrace; he imagined running his hands all over Tessa's warm skin; he imagined slipping her nightgown off.

He imagined it all. He just couldn't help himself.

He always opened his eyes slowly after that, the world seeming disorienting. How could this world be the real one after everything he visualized seemed so real? _Why weren't his dreams real?_ _Why? Why couldn't they be?_

He mulled over that for several hours at a time until somebody broke through his wall and interrupted his thoughts.

Somebody tapped on the door, pushing it open with a slight creak. "Will?"

The dark-haired boy looked up, pain reflected in his watery eyes.


	2. I love Jem, don't I?

**Hey guys! **

**First off, I just want to thank you all for the reviews. They were really encouraging and I'm glad that you guys liked it! :D**

**So here is the next chapter.. Which is technically chapter one I guess, since the other one was the prologue. **

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><p>"I'm worried about him," Tessa said, her voice wavering.<p>

Jem nodded in agreement, "So am I. But what can we do? He won't talk to either of us."

"I just wish there was something we could do."

"Tessa, do you know anything about _why_ he's being so moody?"

She bit her lip and forced herself to shrug. After all, she had promised him she wouldn't tell a soul about his secret, and about his… confession. "Not a clue," she said in a hushed tone, feeling guilty about lying when Jem had always been so honest with her.

If he noticed something was wrong, he didn't let on. "Perhaps I should go try to talk to him again?"

"Ah, I'm not so sure that would be a good idea," she uttered, knowing fully well that the two of them were probably the last people Will wanted to be in the same room with.

He sighed and leaned heavily against his cane. "I suppose so." His words sounded strained.

Tessa took no notice to his voice, her mind preoccupied with her dilemma with Will. Lately, she felt her mind drifting towards him more and more, but she always put a harsh stop to it as she realized what was happened. She could never hurt Jem, she just couldn't. But _Will… _Will and his strong-minded resolve, Will and his dark shadowy features that lured you in… The hard-edged desperation in his voice that night came rushing back all of a sudden; she felt a longing for him, more intense than ever, more heartbreakingly crushing than ever.

"…I don't know what else to do."

Reality came floating back to her as she buried the feelings as usual. She tensed, knowing that those words meant something was wrong – more specifically something involving Will.

"He hit…I couldn't believe…I've got half a mind…onto the streets." The broken fragments of a voice Tessa identified as Charlotte's slipped under the door and she strained to hear more.

Henry's voice replied. "Lottie," he said soothingly, "He's just going through one of his stages. Why don't we just leave him alone?"

Tessa glanced over at Jem who was hunched over his cane, sweat dripping down his face. "Oh!" she said, horrified as she realized what she had neglected to notice earlier. "Are you all right?"

He nodded, the veins in his neck sticking out against the glaring sheen of the sweat. "I'll be fine. Go, listen; find out what's wrong." He lightly moved her in the direction of the door and hobbled off quickly.

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><p><em>Tap. Tap. Tap.<em>

Will glanced at the source of the annoying little noise – the door. He glared at it, as if his deathly look would make whoever it was go away.

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

He groaned and got off his bed, slipping on a shirt before padding over to the door to open it. "Go away," he said, staring out into the wall of the hallway.

"Will..," a timid voice pleaded.

_Oh, so it was Tessa?_ he realized. "Go away," he repeated.

She slipped into his room. "No," she said squarely, staring directly at him with her unwavering gaze that made him weak at the knees.

_No, Will, what are you thinking? _He mentally scolded himself. "What do you want?" he asked, building up his protective walls again.

Her bottom lip quivered. "Please, Will. I know I am not your favorite person right now and the last thing you want to do, is listen to me. But, I can't sit by and watch you waste your life hiding in your room," she grasped his hand. "You have so much more to offer to world; don't waste it pining over me sullenly. I miss the old Will, the one who would crack a joke, the one who would make me smile and laugh." She shook her head in exasperation. "Go. Go live your life. Promise me you'll do that and I will leave you alone for as long as you wish me to; I won't ever bother you again. But seeing you all broken like this… I cannot live like this, having you on my conscience."

"The world doesn't revolve around you, Tessa, much as I'm sure you'd like it to," he shot at her.

A light flickered in Tessa's eyes; she could see that he was back, he was returning – maybe just a little, but that's all she wanted, just _some_ progress. She turned up the corners of her lips ever so slightly, just enough for him to know about her approval. "Bye, Will," she said softly, backing out of his room slowly, keeping a steady gaze on him without even realizing it.

And Will didn't even notice how he stared back. His walls had come crumbling down again.

He had simply melted when he was near her. He would always do what she wished, no matter how much it hurt him – she just had that kind of… hypnotizing effect on him, an effect that no woman had ever had on him before, and would ever.

He was hers, forever and always. He wasn't certain much about where his life was going, but of that, he was sure.

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><p>"Jem?" Tessa whispered, pushing open his bedroom door with a slight <em>creak<em>.

He got off his bed. "Hello beautiful," he murmured, kissing her hand like a gentlemen. "Did you talk to him?"

She nodded joyfully. "I think it worked; I might have my Will back." She paused, realizing her blunder. "We might have our Will back," she altered her sentence, hoping he did not realize.

_I love Jem, not Will. Jem. Jem. I love Jem. I love Jem, my prince. Not Will._

If he noticed, he didn't let on. "I knew he'd listen to you," he said, glancing at her shyly through his silvery eyelashes.

Tessa forced a warm smile, hoping the dark of the night would mask the uncertainty displayed on her face and the confusion clouding her eyes. "I should go. Goodnight," she said softly, giving his hand a squeeze before sidling out of his room.

_It__'s Jem I love, _she repeated again to herself for good measure.

She was going to get married – she couldn't have these thoughts. It'd be unfair to him. And she truly did love him.

_But then, what about that dark-haired beauty sleeping upstairs?_ a tiny voice in her head prodded.

She bit her lip and slipped into her room silently. She sat down by the windowsill and eyed the full moon while contemplating all the conflicting choices she had let herself become a part of.

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><p><strong>Hope you guys liked it!(:<strong>

**Just so you guys know, I fully support Will/Tessa.3 But I try to include cute-sy moments for Will/Tessa as well as Jem/Tessa. Just to be fair to both couples. **

**BTW, just wondering, does anybody know if they have like couple names? Like.. Wessa or Till, or Jessa or Tem? LOL. xD**

**& REVIEW PLEASEEE. :D You would make my day! **

**Sarsly. I jump with glee when I see a 'review' email in my inbox. **


	3. Will-OHSHIT

**Sorry about the wait! I've been pretty busy with school & such. **

**But here's the next one; I'm actually pretty proud of this one. **

**And I have a quick note that applies for this ENTIRE story: The characters will be a bit OOC. I wish I could keep it as realistic as possible, but the truth of the matter is, I'm no Cassie Clare and I have no idea what people acted like in old-London, so well, I don't know if they really had one-night-stands and things of the sort back then (if they did, it was probably highly frowned upon), so you'll have to forgive me for my blunders. **

**Also, make sure you read my end A/N - I'd say it's quite important.**

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><p>Will forced himself to breakfast the week after. It still hurt, seeing the newly engaged couple act oh so…couple-y, but he had to try to get back to his lifestyle.<p>

"Do you have any plans for today?" Charlotte asked absent-mindedly to nobody in particular.

Tessa nodded happily, "Jem and I are going for a walk to relax ourselves later this morning." She gazed at the man sitting beside her lovingly and clutched his hand. "Will, would you like to join us?"

His heart leapt at the thought of her including him – that meant she was thinking about him, wasn't it? But he knew that she just felt bad for him. He suppressed his desire to join them – but he knew it wouldn't be right to intrude – and he masked his face in a look of reproach. "No," he declared proudly, "_I _am going to the brothel."

Jem chuckled lightly. "Of course," he murmured jokingly.

Will winked at him before shoveling down the remnants of food on his plate.

"Charlotte? Henry? You two aren't going to be coped up in here all day are you? It's a beautiful day outside; you should—," Tessa began.

Henry, being in the same world as them for once, interrupted her. "Don't worry, we're going to pay a visit to…some old friends," he said, playing gently with his wife's delicate fingers.

Suddenly, Will felt as if all of his breakfast were about to come hurtling back up. There was too much love in this room, he decided and excused himself. He went into his room, choosing some of his most dapper clothes and headed out towards the brothel. Chances were that it would be fairly empty, but he didn't mind. He'd catch up with the other regulars there and get his drinks in early, before all the lovely girls began showing up looking for a good time. _They also wanted a young man that their fathers would hate_, he added in humorously. Not that he minded; no sir, he didn't mind at all. Although, it was always a bit frightening the next morning, but a challenge was always fun.

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><p>He had lost track of all time; it seemed as if he had been wandering around in circles since last <em>last<em> Friday. But he was in a high, the drunken stupor washing away all emotions he had.

It must've been getting late, however. The ladies were streaming through the door and he was fixated towards the entrance, waiting for the right one – the scantily-clad one with long legs and flawless skin; the one whose hair curled and flared in all the right places; the one who's eyes seemed to glow with life and her smile drove him wild.

He was imagining this perfect woman as he stared, until reality and imagination seemed to blur. But then, he was anchored back to London. There she was.

To others, she didn't match the ideal fantasy woman at all. But to him, she was all he ever wanted; she embodied all the features of Aphrodite and more.

He bit his lip, trying to draw himself out of the dream that he surely was in. But it was no dream.

She was there. She was real. She was Tessa.

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><p>"Where do you think Will is?" Tessa asked Jem anxiously. He had been gone all day and though it was a bit expected of him not to return until the morning, she was perhaps a bit subconsciously hoping for him to find all the girls a bit drab and come home for the night.<p>

He shrugged and removed a loose strand of hair from her face. "There we go," he whispered, "Now I can see your beautiful face." He laughed breathily at the sight of her cheeks reddening. He ran his slender hand along the curvature of her delicate face, stopping at the hallow of her neck, staring into her eyes as if looking into her soul. "I think Charlotte and Henry went out for the night," he said, a spark lighting in his eyes.

A sneaky smile crept over Tessa's face. "Well, what do you suppose we do?" she murmured, placing her palms on his chest with only the sheer fabric of his shirt separating them.

He tilted her head up and pressed his lips upon hers gently, but slowly, his kissing turned fiercely, almost hungrily. A slight moan escaped Tessa's lips as she slipped her arms around his and kissed back with just as much passion. He shifted their position, laying her down on his bed without breaking the embrace.

"Tessa," he whispered, a fire burning behind his eyes, "I need you."

She smiled, looking at him intently, "I need you too." She wrapped her legs around his waist before pushing her lips to his once again. He groaned and ran his lips down her skin until he reached her neck; he showered her with little kisses, each one making her insides tingle with delight.

"Will," she moaned in utter enjoyment.

Everything came to an abrupt halt.

Tessa's eyes widened in frozen terror, "Oh, Jem," she breathed, incoherently trying to form an apology.

He looked at her with sad eyes, like a shattered mirror, that broke her even more.

"Jem," she said once again, her breathing hitching up as she panicked.

He shook his head mutely, still unable to process what he had just heard. "Will?" he asked in disbelief.

She bit her lip. "I'm sorry," she uttered meekly.

"Don't mind it," he muttered, the good in him taking control of his words. He climbed off the bed and opened the door.

Tessa's heart sunk as she trudged out of his room. Tears and broken breathing wracked her body as she stepped into the bright light of the hallway. _How could she have been such an idiot? _She loved Jem, she truly did; but what about Will?

The eternal question seared through her mind. What was wrong with her?

_She had both boys once, now she had neither._

One believes she does not truly love him; the other knows she does not truly love him.

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><p><strong>Mwahaha, I love to ruin Jessa moments. <strong>

**Hopefully y'all liked that as much as I enjoyed writing it. **

**(Also, I hope I didn't confuse anybody although I fear I might have. If you go back to the brothel scene with Will, he only *thinks* he sees Tessa - it's not actually her. Because Tessa is with Jem, screwing up their relationship.) **

**Alright, so important note: I will not be updating for a while because I have finals next week and I really need to study. ****BUT, since I love this story and all of you guys and you guys have been so AMAZING with the reviews, I'm going to do something special. When I finish finals, I'm going to do a "marathon" type thing. The number of chapters for the marathon you get is the number of reviews I get on this chapter, heh. So I will count ALL reviews, although it will be much more motivating if I get some feedback other than one word compliments. (; **

**That is all. **


	4. Internal Debates

_I'M BACK BITCHES. _

_Okay, I know I haven't updated in like a year and I feel so so bad! Honestly I don't even have a valid excuse, I just never had inspiration to write and basically gave up. But I reread all the reviews and I really wanted to finish this for you guys and felt really sad so I decided to give this another go! _

_I promise I will make a better effort at updating regularly, but I'm not going to promise when the next one will be up. I'm gonna alternate between updating this fic and my other one, but I don't intend on quitting this. (Yell at me if I don't update for like a month.)_

_You'll probably need to reread the fanfic because if you actually remember what was going on you're like a wizard. Anyways, I hope you like it and as always, leave a review! :)_

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><p>It was turning quite late and Will's head spun. He was confused, very much so. Maybe he had a smidge too much to drink, but he was almost positive that faerie by the bar had slipped something into his glass.<p>

But the sight in front of him had him bewildered. Tessa ought to be with Jem, but here she stood… or at least that's who the female resembled – he couldn't really tell amongst the sweaty bodies pressing against him as people brashly shuffled past. He stumbled towards her, his mind convincing himself that it was Tessa.

He so desperately wanted it to be her – to come take him home, to show him that she cared about him. He forced himself to sober up enough to get closer and reached towards her, his fingers feebly grasping only to hold nothing but air.

"Tessa," he whispered, his mind blurring reality and imagination.

The slender figure in front of him glared back, "Who are you?"

"W-Will," he stammered.

He heard a bitter laugh as she stepped closer towards him. Her long fingers trailed up his buttoned shirt and rested on his collar. "Well, Will," she sneered. "It'll never be you. You can love me all you want, but it'll always be Jem. We're _engaged_, we're getting married. And you're out of time." She cocked her head to the side and ran her fingers down his arm. "How sad of a story is that? The only girl you've ever loved and she's forbidden. You cannot touch her, you cannot want her, she's your best friends." And as the last words slipped out of her mouth and registered with Will, she was gone.

Will's breathing hitched, thinking about who he believed was Tessa's spiel, _it was all true wasn't it?_ _His love for Tessa's was unrequited, she would never love him back._ That stung him. Rushing out of the busy brothel, he closed his eyes, trying to calm his breathing and erase all the negative thoughts out.

He felt as if he were going to die. Facing the fact that he had simply shut himself up to outsiders his entire life and the one person he was willing to give himself to was excruciating. But there wasn't much he could do at this point, Tessa had made her choice and it wasn't him. And he was going to have to respect that.

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><p>It had begun drizzling out, but Tessa didn't particularly care. She deserved more than to get soaked, what she had done to Jem was unforgiveable. He was a genuinely kind person and she had stomped on his heart. Leaning against the cold wall of the Institute, she sighed heavily and let her eyes wander the scene before her. The city was deathly quiet, with only the soft pitter-patter of the raindrops to distract her from her worrying thoughts.<p>

Looking up she had a perfect view of Jem's room – well, his window. She could see a slight silhouette at the window, but as soon as she spotted it, it retreated and the light flickered out. Frowning, she lowered her eyes. She had truly hurt him and it hurt her knowing what she had done.

"Tessa," a deep strangled voice murmured so quietly that it seemed for a moment it was just the wind whistling by. But she felt him – like a strange connection – she just simply knew he was there.

"Will?" She stepped out of the dim light of the Institute and offered him a small smile, but he wouldn't meet her eyes. "Are you okay?"

He raised his head slightly and she saw his bloodshot eyes before he cast them down again. _It'll always be Jem._ He remembered the harsh words from the brothel and he pushed past her into the dry building, being careful to avoid her touch. He knew that if he felt her soft skin, his emotions would override his thoughts.

Tessa turned to look, mildly confused at his bitterness but didn't question it. She was already confused enough.

_Who did she want? _

Jem was kind, forgiving. Just his presence soothed her, that's just the type of person he was. It was almost numbing, therapeutic maybe. And he would always put her first and he made her feel safe.

But Will made her feel safe too – in a different way though. He had a powerful aura to him, he radiated strength. But there was something uncertain about him, he wasn't stable. He was almost self-destructive at times. And that worried Tessa.

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><p>Jem brushed the sheer curtain out of the way as he gazed into the London streets. He could see the shadowed figure of Tessa downstairs and just simply looked. He felt his lips tugging upwards as he saw her shifting between her feet the way she did when she was nervous. He could see her head tilting the way she did when she was in deep thought. His eyes began prickling, he truly did love her.<p>

But the earlier events stung. Of all people, _Will?_

He was his best friend, the one he could trust with his life. And now it seemed like the two would be competing for her affections. It killed him to realize that. And what more, it seemed inevitable that if she chose one the other was likely to stick around.

He knew how much pain knowing Tessa was thinking of Will caused him. If she chose him in the end, well, that would be unbearable. And he was certain that it'd be the same vice versa.

It wasn't completely Will's fault, but at the moment his friend was annoying him. He always got everything he wanted. _Why couldn't he just leave Tessa alone and be the bitter stone cold person towards her like he was to everybody else? Why did he have to be so intriguing for Tessa to be drawn to him?_

These thoughts made his head ache and he took a final glance at Tessa. "Goodnight love," he mouthed, mostly for his own sake, before shutting the curtains.

As much as he wanted to hate her and make her feel terrible he couldn't. Even after everything, he knew she was his weak spot. No matter what, he wouldn't be able to stay mad at her. And that scared him.

He limped over towards his bed to prepare to sleep for the night, hoping in the morning his mind would be clearer.

Suddenly, his knees gave out and he fell to the floor, gasping. A series of coughs racked his bodies and he stayed on the floor, panting for air. When he was able to crawl to his bed, a layer of sweat was covering his face and he was visibly shaken.

Glad Tessa wasn't there to witness the events, he reached over to shut the lights before laying down to sleep.

But one last thought disturbed him before he was able to slumber. _Why would she want someone as broken as me? I'm going to die young_.

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><p>Will had to practically drag himself into his room, exhausted from his trek home which really wasn't aided by the fact that his mind was hazy from whatever he had drank that night.<p>

Stripping down his soggy clothes, he quickly changed and threw himself onto his bed. He ran his fingers through his hair, staring sullenly at the ceiling.

He was unhappy. That was the simplest way to put it.

Everybody else he knew probably had perfect lives right now – Tessa and Jem were happily engaged, Charlotte and Henry were married, Jessamine…well, there was certainly nothing _wrong_ with hers so that certified as perfect.

But he was torn.

It was so terribly wrong to be in love with your best friend's fiancé. And it was even worse to actually want to steal her away.

He needed a way to crush the feelings and it seemed to him as if there was really only one thing he could do. He had to do what he did best: build up his walls and take on the façade that he really didn't care. That was the only way to stop himself from getting hurt.

"Ack!"

Will sat up, listening intently, not entirely sure whether the faint coughs were a figment of his imagination or not.

"Ack!"

He was on his feet right away, recognizing it as Jem in the room next door. As complicated as life was right now, Jem's health would always be one of his priorities.

He peered through the crack in the door and saw Jem on the floor, looking like death. His jaw unhinged, concern flooding his body. He had never seen the boy so ill. Whenever he had his medication, which was everyday of course, he seemed strong enough. But right now, he seemed so broken, so fragile and Will found himself scared to go in.

_What if he wasn't even strong enough to repair him?_

Luckily, Jem managed to get himself into bed and the light went out in his room. Will felt a surge of relief, but still stood there, a hand twitching towards the doorknob, a tiny part of him petrified that Jem wasn't going to make it to see the end of the month.

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><p><em>Okay, just to be clarify some things:<em>

_The "girl" Will saw at the brothel wasn't actually Tessa. It was more or less his imagination, telling him what he thought was the truth. And Will is unaware of the fact that Tessa and Jem are having some relationship issues. _

_Nothing major really happened happened in this, I know. It was to further their character development, I guess, so you know what their thought processes are. And there's a bit of foreshadowing. _

_That's all for this one. Leave a review please! :)_


	5. Fallen

_New chapter, yay! _

_Thank you all for the nice reviews left on my last chapter! :) __This one's a longer one, almost 3K words! (I usually only write about a thousand, haha.) _

_Also, side note: I might be changing the title of this story. I feel that "Just For One Night" isn't exactly applicable to the way I intend on writing this story and I want to choose something more suiting. When I think of a fitting title, it shall be changed. So if when you find that the title changed when I post the next chapter, that's why. _

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><p>The days that followed that night were awkward to say the least. Tessa busied herself with helping Charlotte around the Institute, Jem was hardly seen outside his room, and Will was, well, hardly seen at all. Although they all had "excuses", it was blatantly obvious that they were all avoiding each other. But what Charlotte couldn't seem to wrap her head around was <em>why<em>- they had all seemed to be getting along splendidly before, what could've possibly changed so quickly?

"Henry, dear, could you try to get Jem out of his room? Dinner's ready and he hasn't eaten for days, I'm worried," Charlotte asked him, jostling his shoulder a bit to shake him out of his daydream-like stance. He blinked a bit, but when he focused back to reality he gave his wife a small smile and bounded towards the stairs. She chuckled at his absent-minded manner and went to one of the rooms in the side of the hall, where Tessa was sitting idly on a chair. "Tessa, will you be joining us for dinner?" she asked, hoping she would. Like Jem, she wasn't eating well. As an afterthought she added "Please."

The girl sighed resignedly and nodded. "I'll be in the dining room in a moment," she said softly before going back to staring out the window. She heard Charlotte's footsteps backing out the door and travelling down the hall and bit her lip. Things obviously weren't going well between her and Jem and as for Will, he had disappeared for the past few days. At the moment, things seemed bleak and Tessa wondered if there was even a point in trying anymore. She had damaged things after "the incident", as she had grown accustomed to referring to it by, and she was hurting the two boys' relationship as well. They were supposed to be _parabatai_. Tessa wasn't part of the Nephilim but she knew enough to know that they should be closer than they were at the moment. In the back of her mind, she couldn't help but ask herself if she was getting in the way of their bond - they used to be the best of friends, they knew that they could trust the other and tell them all their secrets. _But how can Jem tell Will about his problems if he __**is**__ the problem?_

__A familiar clatter echoed down the hall that Tessa identified as Jem's cane tapping against the hard floor. She looked down slowly, not wanting to particularly see him. Surely he would be furious and he had every right to be. But she couldn't help but be worried about what his reaction would be now that he had time to think things over. Swallowing her fears, she made her way into the hallway, carefully stepping out of the room - her safe space. But she felt herself being pulled towards the dining room, as if by some unexplainable force making her gravitate towards it.

"Ah Tessa, I was beginning to think you weren't coming! Look, Will's here!" Henry exclaimed, his features radiated excitement and for one of the first times, Tessa noticed he was genuinely focused on the conversation at hand. She smiled weakly at them, her eyes flickering towards Will who was gazing intently at her. She dropped her gaze hastily and took her usual seat at the table. "So, where have you been?" Henry asked Will, shoveling a spoonful of food into his mouth.

He hesitated slightly, wondering if what he was going to say was the right thing to say. Finally, he settled on being as vague as possible. "I just went out for a bit," he said in his deep husky voice, "And that little bit turned into a few days."

Charlotte laughed, a nervous twinge edging into her voice. "We all missed having you around." Jem coughed slightly, his eyes watering over as his throat suddenly became dry. Everybody glanced over at him uncertainly before preoccupying themselves with their dinner.

"Tessa," Jessamine suddenly spoke up, "Can I talk to you after dinner? _Privately please?_" A firm look was spread across her face in a way that made Tessa think that "no" wasn't actually an option. She nodded slowly, and went back to her dinner.

"Let's go to my room," Jessamine offered, almost immediately turning to stride up the stairs. Tessa followed mutely, too intimidated to actually talk to the girl. "I'll get straight to the point," she said, closing her bedroom door as Tessa walked in. "You may think you are, but you, Jem and Will aren't fooling anybody. We all know," she blurted out. When Tessa opened her mouth to protest, she simply glared at her and her mouth clamped shut again. "It's plain as day that something came in between you and Jem, namely a Mr. Will Herondale," she smirked. Tessa glanced around the room meekly, not wanting to meet her eyes.

"I've known those two boys almost all my life, I know what they're like. Nothing comes between those two, but you, I don't know how you did it." Jessamine stepped back and eyed over Tessa, who shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably, as if she were peeling back the layers that concealed who she was on the inside. "Both of them are crazy for you, you know," she said softly.

Tessa whispered back, "I know."

"I don't think you actually do, Tessa. Jem, _Jem_ would sacrifice himself for you, he'd protect you at all costs. And Will, well," she cracked a genuine smile, "if you asked him to, he'd go to the ends of the Earth and back for you. If you wanted him to burn the world down, I don't think he'd bat an eye while doing so." Jessamine paused to let her words sink in. "I hope you understand what you're doing. If you keep toying with their emotions, it'll drive them insane. Those two are like my brothers, I can't stand to see them hurt. But I fear that one day, they'll wake up and realize they need to move on. And that'll kill them on the inside the most."

Jessamine walked over and sat on her bed, waving Tessa over. Looking at her directly in the eyes, Tessa could see the pain reflected behind them. _She really did care._ There were no doubts that came with her words and it scared Tessa, it honestly truly scared her that she had that much control over Will and Jem's lives. And it stung at her heart like an open wound that had something blocking it from healing that if she had to choose one, the other would be destroyed.

Breaking the silence, Jessamine continued to speak. "Some people try their whole lives for love, to find the one man who will care deeply for you and never let you go. Everybody wants to have that little fairytale ending and know that at the end of the day as long as you have that one person who you know, no matter what you do, they will absolutely positively love you." Her voice wavered and a single tear slid down her cheek. "You already have two people who will do that for you. You have two chances at a happy ending...don't throw that away," she whispered, her voice breaking away as she abruptly stood up and made her way to her bathroom.

Tessa sat on her bed, staring at the wall, almost frozen in shock. She had came up here expecting the older girl to scold her, not to have such an intense conversation. But she knew Jessamine was right, two _incredible_ boys had fallen for her, but the thing was, she had dug a deep hole for herself that there was no getting out of - she had to choose one.

* * *

><p>Will rapped softly on Jem's bedroom door and when he heard a soft voice say "Come in." he pushed open the door. Jem was hunched over his desk writing something, but as Will neared him, he swiftly grabbed the paper and shoved it into a drawer, turning around to face the other boy. Will looked at him questioningly, but didn't ask knowing that Jem wasn't likely to tell. He did, however, make a mental note of which drawer he slipped it in, telling himself he would check it later. Curiosity isn't a good thing in large amounts, he knew, but he couldn't help himself, the fact that Jem was hiding something intrigued him.<p>

"What are you doing here?" Jem asked, avoiding Will's steely gaze.

"What? I can't drop in to say hi without a reason now?"

Jem chuckled lightly, "You _can_, but you're Will - you don't do that."

"I've been told I should try to be a better person."

"When have you ever taken other's advice?"

"Since I decided I'm going to be a good person," Will retorted. Jem glanced at him briefly, noting that his usual witty self wasn't presence. "How have you been? Drugs been working and all?"

Jem winced slightly, not wanting to discuss his body's dependence on_ yin fen_ nor did he particularly want to linger on the fact that while the drugs have been working, he was finding them to not be as potent. "I'm fine," he said curtly.

Will sensing his unwillingness changed the topic. "Well, if you're fine, do you want to go on a little adventure?" A little sparkle glimmered in his eyes and Jem recognized the mischievous look right away.

The frail boy appeared to be in deep thought for a moment, but accepted. He needed to bond with Will some more. _So what if Tessa likes him too, we can't let that come between us._

"Where are we going?" Jem grumbled, hurrying in an attempt to match Will's fast pace. He stopped abruptly, shooting Jem a look as he crashed into him and shushed him. Raising a finger to indicate that he should listen, Jem quieted his breathing and looked down the lane though he couldn't see much due to the lack of light. Will slipped out his stele and began to work on a rune. _Soundless_, Jem saw and he hissed in surprise when Will grabbed his arm and the tip of the stele pressed against his skin.

"Let's go," Will murmured, taking off into the night. Jem looked at him from behind, he could see why girls fawned over him. His jet black hair was messy, but he supposed that was part of the reason. He had a strong build and you could see the faint outline of the muscles pushing against the tight black material of his clothing. In the night, it seemed as if there was a glow emanating from his taut skin, setting him apart from the dark, but he also blended in strangely enough. "Are you coming?" a voice said softly from somewhere far ahead.

Jem lifted his cane and began jogging towards the voice, not wanting to expend all his energy so soon. If he knew one thing about Will, it was that he lived for demon-hunting and there was no doubt that was where they were going. The sight ahead of him confirmed his suspicions, they were in a dark musty alley with a terrible craggy groaning sound coming from a corner.

"_Adriel_," Will murmured, a sharp light sparking as he held his seraph blade up. Jem did the same and they faced the creature looming over them, its pitch black eyes staring back at them.

The next few moments flew by in a blur, all Jem could see was the dark silhouette of Will landing on the even darker skin of the demon and the blinding white diving in and out of their intertwined limb. Jem felt spikes graze his skin, his side erupting in pure agony as his shirt was torn and poison seeped into his bloodstream. That was all it took to send him into the battle too. Swiftly, he grasped his cane and leapt towards the entangled duo. Being so close to Will sent adrenaline surging through him, the pain from the demon poison seemed unimportant now, all he could feel was _hatred_ for the demon. Its kind was the reason why he was who he was - why he was dying on the inside.

But the zap of energy that Jem got faded and he felt as if his lungs were about to explode. He staggered away panting, his face clammy as he began coughing until his stomach was in pain. Will saw him from the corner of his eye and drove his blade deep into a soft fleshy part of the demon that was exposed. As the demon let out an ear-piercing wail and began shrinking until nothing was left but ashy bits scattered on the floor, Will ran over to the wall upon which Jem braced himself.

"Are you alright?" he said, urging him to lean his weight on him. Jem just gasped in pain in response and Will glanced down to see sticky blood mixed with black sludge. "Demon _poison_," he whispered in shock. "We need to get you back to the Institute. Can you walk?" He looked over at the boy expectantly, but Jem silently slid to the ground, his eyes fluttering shut as he breathing became more infrequent and shallow. "No, don't leave me now," Will said along with a stream of profanities. Bracing himself, he heaved Jem's frail body over his shoulder and began darting towards the direction of the Institute. Mentally he was cursing himself for dragging Jem out, he knew that the boy was weak, he should've kept that in mind.

"Charlotte!" Will yelled, slamming the door behind him.

Her tiny figure rushed into the foyer and her heart dropped when she saw the lifeless figure of Jem. "Oh, is he-?" she broke off, looking at his even paler than usual face. He was nearly transparent and looked oddly peaceful, but it didn't do much to help sooth her panicked expression.

"Demon poison in his system," Will informed her while dashing down the hall to the makeshift infirmary. Charlotte gazed after him wide-eyed, her hand clasped across her mouth. "Get Jessamine," he spat out urgently, knowing fully well that Henry wouldn't be much help in the situation and that Tessa, well, it would best that she wasn't dragged into the situation. Charlotte nodded furiously at him, scurrying up the stairs to find the girl. Will crouched down next to the bed that Jem was laid across, "_James Carstairs_," he pronounced, the syllables rolling off his tongue painfully. "You're not allowed to leave. You can't. I'm not letting you. You're my best friend, the only one who can put up with me, you understand me, and you care. And you're going to make it through this, I'll be with you every step of the way. And even if you don't want to wake up to me, just think of your entire future ahead of you." He swallowed, a look of agony in his eyes, "You're getting married to Tessa...beautiful, sweet Tessa. And she's going to love you and you'll have that happily ever after. Don't let go of that, I know you love her. And-" He was cut off by a small cough.

Jessamine stood there at the entrance of the door, "Sorry to interrupt, but I've called Magnus Bane." Will nodded appreciatively, swallowing hard. "And don't get mad at me, but you should go upstairs, take a shower. You've been through a lot tonight; Charlotte and I can take it from here."

Will glanced back at the almost dead boy soaking the white sheets a crimson red with his blood. He yearned to help him, to sketch out an _iratze_and fix him, but there are certain wounds that can't be healed, especially once demon poison infiltrates the bloodstream. Abruptly he got up and forced a smile in Jessamine's direction, his voice suddenly too dry to form coherent words. He knew that Jem would be in good hands, after all, they were all practically family here.

"Will?" a small voice called out as he got onto the second floor landing. He looked around to see Tessa standing near his room, her eyes wide with fear. "Your clothes, there's so much blood! Are you injured?"

He bit his lip, regretting that he was the one who had to tell her what had happened. "No, not it's not," he said hoarsely, but deciding that he could only tell her the truth - the full truth. "Jem, he's dying." The words had barely passed his lips, when Tessa turned a ghostly white, her lips forming a small 'o' shape - which Will noticed made her look even innocent - and she began swaying on her feet. "Tessa, are yo-"

_She fell._ She simply collapsed and Will darted forward and caught her just in time. And he sat on the floor with her cradled in his arms. "Tessa..," he whispered, stroking her face, concern shining in his eyes.

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><p><em>Hope you all liked it! As always, reviews are much appreciated.<em>

_The next update might not come for a few weeks. I'm doing NaNoWriMo, which if you don't know, is basically trying to write a novel in the month of November. I really want to try to accomplish this so that will be my main focus when I'm writing. I've been writing this when I get bored of the novel and need a break so far, but I am **so** behind in how many words I have so far, so I can't make any promises that I'll update before December. Sorry! :( _

_And I don't know if any of you guys watch Glee or The Vampire Diaries, but if you do, you should read my other fic, it's a crossover of the two series. If you just go onto my profile, it should be easy as pie to find - it's titled Unfamiliar World._

__Also, if any of you guys want to just randomly talk, you should message me! I want to make some friends on here, haha. __


	6. White

**Ahhh, the new chapter's finally here! This took forever, but I finally forced myself to sit and write. **

**But ugh, do you guys ever have that issue where you can imagine a facial expression, but can't put it into words? Because that was basically me while writing this.**

(Ew, I just realized that my line breaks get reformatted when I try to post so I tried to go through and fix it, but if I missed any and some parts seem awkward, that might be why.)

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><p>"He's going to be fine," Charlotte breathed in relief, running her fingers through Jem's silvery hair that was soaked with sweat and stuck to his forehead. He had always been pale, but just lying there... he looked almost translucent. If you looked at him, you would think that he was already dead and that thought terrified Charlotte. But Magnus had informed her with absolute certainty that he was going to be okay and all she could do was hold him to his word.<p>

It's a terrifying experience, seeing somebody you love so close to death. And when you think that they're too far gone, that there's no way to save them now, you have that feeling of utter despair... and guilt. You feel guilty because maybe there was something that you _could've_ done, something more that might've meant that their heart would still be beating. And that's exactly what Charlotte felt, her heart beat wildly against her chest, and her mind raced, thoughts processing at the speed of light. Jem was her family, and watching his chest gradually stop rising and the tense muscles in his hand go limp had driven her nearly mad.

She wished she had somebody there to go through the ordeal with her, but Jessamine and Henry had disappeared elsewhere - she knew they loved Jem, but perhaps they couldn't face the truth and were scared. But Will - his _parabatai_, she had certainly expected to be sitting right by him through the night. And Tessa too - his _fiance_, hadn't she heard what had happened? Why wasn't she here, griefstricken?

"Char-?" Jem feebly uttered the syllable before breaking down into a series of hacking coughs. She focused her gaze on him, tears brimming to her eyes as relief flooded through her - he was alive, he really was alive and breathing. _All was well. _"Don't cry," he mouthed, his hand moving up to rub his throat which was unbearably dry.

Charlotte nodded, still unable to form comprehensible words and picked up a glass of water on the bedside table waiting for Jem. Handing it to him, a smile broke out on her face. "You're alive," she stated quietly, as if to reinforce the idea to herself. He made an indistinct sound, which she took as confirmation of his well-being. "Oh!" she cried, her lips opening into an oval shape, "I'm going to tell the others - I'm sure they'll be ecstatic to know!" She nearly rushed out of the room, only to stop short by a few feet. "Are you going to be okay on your own?" Her eyebrows furrowed in concern as she realized that he probably should've be left on his own.

He fluttered his eyelids for a brief second before nodding. "Yes," he murmured running his fingers over the smooth material of the covers. There were hints of scarlet dotting the white fabric, which he took to be his own blood and he grimaced. When he glanced back up, Charlotte had made her way to the rest of the building, leaving him alone in the makeshift infirmary room.

And not for the first time in the past few weeks, he felt _alone_. There were two important figures missing from the room, Will and Tessa - the two people he truly cared most about. And they weren't even here, he thought bitterly, a little hurt by their lack of effort. His mind began making up excuses for them, but there was that little bit of reality in him that nipped at his heart, telling him to stop. There wasn't an excuse to be imagined that could be true. If they cared as much as they said they did, they'd make every effort to stay the night with him.

Normally, he didn't particularly care about such things, he was generally a carefree person. But something about the event irritated him and brought out a flood of emotions. He felt angry - angry that Tessa loved Will, angry that Will was so damn appealing, angry that they were probably together somewhere, angry that he didn't try harder, angry that she slipped right out of his fingertips. But most of all, he was angry at himself that he let his feelings get the best of him.

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><p>Tessa squirmed around in the smooth white sheets as the glow of the sunlight hit her face, waking her up. She felt the bed mattress move slightly, a warm hand nudging her arm. "Wake up," a deep voice hummed as she felt a light touch slowly move a strand of hair that was tickling her nose.<p>

Her eyes fluttered for a moment before opening groggily and peering upwards through her eyelashes, her vision going in and out of focus before Will's face became clear. "W-Will?" Tessa scrunched up her nose in confusion about why he was perched on the edge of her bed so early in the morning.

"Do you remember what happened last night?" he asked, his eyes wide open, clouded with_ some_ emotion, but Tessa couldn't pick it out. She shook her head, pushing the covers back a little so she could sit up with ease. "Jem," he said, swallowing and looking down as he did. He opened his mouth again, but clamped it shut again, not knowing what he could possibly say.

Tessa's heart filled with worry just at the way he said that one syllable. He sounded as if he were in pain and sorrow and generally, that was not a good sign. "What happened?" she asked in a hushed tone, afraid of what the reply would be. She secretly wished that he would break into his wide whole-hearted smile and laugh boisterously, telling her that he was kidding. But the look in his eyes were all that she needed to know otherwise. Will looked completely and utterly lost and it seemed as if he was going to stay mute. She wracked her head for anything, just a simple clue that would tell her what exactly was wrong.

_Blood_, she remembered blood on Will's shirt, the red blossoming as it climbed across the fibers. Then all she could remember were Will's lips moving and time slowed as she hit the floor and that was it. She bit her lip, trying to bring back the words that he had said, but they weren't coming back.

"_Jem, he's dying_."

Tessa's head snapped up as she realized that Will had spoken and once she registered his words, she understood why he looked the way he did. And she was positive her expression mirrored his devastated one.

* * *

><p>"Are you ready to see him?" Will glanced down at Tessa just as she looked at him for guidance. "Do you want to go first?" Will asked when she remained silent, not so much as a question as a plead. His dark eyes bore into Tessa's and for perhaps the first time in years, genuine fright shone through them. His mouth dropped open, but then closed almost immediately as if he wanted to say something, but didn't know what.<p>

Tessa bit her lip nervously and cast her gaze downwards. "I don't know what to expect," she confessed. "He always seems so collected, calm, but," her voice cracked, the second half of her sentence wavering, "he's in trouble isn't he." She turned towards the door, staring at the wood as if she could see through it, lost in her thoughts. She hadn't had to face the death of somebody she loved so much before and she didn't want to have to. Sure, people she loved had died, but she didn't necessarily have to sit by idly, unable to help as their life slowly drained.

A large hand slowly touched her shoulder, resting on it trying to offer her some comfort. "I know Tessa, I know," Will murmured, fully aware of how she felt. As part of the Nephilim, he was no stranger to death, but this was _Jem_ - his parabatai, brother, only and best friend _Jem_. "I have faith that Jem will pull through. He's strong, never doubt that." She shifted her body to face him ever so slightly and peered at him, her lips pressed in a firm line. "Never doubt that," he echoed himself, his words barely audible this time as he reassured himself.

Tessa shook her head, knowing better than to get her hopes up. She knew how much it hurt when she was horribly wrong and it was better to be careful. "But what if he doesn't?"

"We will make it through together," Will said simply, his accent becoming more pronounced with each syllable. When she sighed, he leaned forward to grasp her hand. "Tessa," he said firmly, "I will be here with you through everything, I promise you. I don't want to believe that Jem is going to die, but nevertheless, I am not going anywhere." He gently lifted her head so she was looking at him directly. "I know exactly what you're going through because I am too. So believe me when I say that, when you need comforting, when you need a shoulder to cry on, when you need a hand to hold, when you need somebody to tell you that everything will be okay, _I will be there for you_." He looked into her eyes, searching for that look of reassurance and when he did, he leaned back into a relaxed position. But underneath the facade, he was still scared. What if he wasn't right? What if Jem did pass? He wasn't sure he could be the strong man when it came down to that, but what he was sure of was that Tessa needed somebody and he was willing to step up to the plate for her. "Why don't we see how he's doing?"

_He's broken_, Tessa thought to herself as she walked into Jem's room. His complexion practically blended in with the bed sheets, his breathing shallow and ragged. His eyelids were droopy, a sign of his fatigue. But still when he noticed the duo had walked in, he pushed himself up into a sitting position, idly patting down a wrinkle in his cover as he did so. He made a half-attempt at a pathetic smile before leaning back against the bed frame, eyeing Tessa and Will with an odd expression.

"How are you feeling?" Tessa asked, breaking the silence. She held her breath anxiously, praying that he wouldn't confirm what she pretty much already knew.

Jem tilted his head to the side, a look of surprise entering his features. "Did Charlotte not tell you? I'm going to be fine." He laughed to himself as he saw the change in their expressions as they registered what he had said. "Did you think I was going to die?" he asked solemnly, suddenly finding interest in playing with his fingertips. Though he knew that he was going to live this time, it still frightened him to know that there was that lingering possibility that before the year ended, he wouldn't be alive.

Will shrugged nonchalantly. "We just woke up. Charlotte must have not wanted to wake us." He turned his head to the left to offer Tessa a warm smile before turning his attention back to Jem. "I'm so glad that you're going to be okay. This morning, Tessa and I..," he trailed off, a distant look entering his eyes. "I don't know what I would've done," he admitted, biting his lip nervously.

"At least you two have each other," Jem stated, his voice raspy and deep, laden with regret and sorrow. A look of concern flashed over Tessa's face, wondering what had changed his mood so quickly. She didn't have much time to wonder before he addressed her. "May I speak with you? Privately?" Will's mouth parted slightly as he obliged and left the room, closing the door as he did.

"Jem? Is something wrong?"

He trained his eyes on her face, examining her with an intent focus that made her shift nervously from foot to foot. He had heard Will and Tessa conversing outside in the hall earlier and as much as he didn't want to admit it, they clearly cared intensely about each other. He had heard Will's use of pronouns - it was all plural, _we_ - they were together. He had a lump in his throat and he really didn't want to do what he was going to do, but he felt as if she deserved it. _**If you love somebody, set them free**_, right?

"Tess, about our engagement..," he started off, feeling himself wince a bit as her eyes widened in alarm. He knew she cared about him a lot and this would hurt, but he was doing what was best. "I want to call it off," he said quickly in a single gasp.

She stumbled back losing her footing as her breathing hitched. "Why?"

He offered a small smile as solace. "I think it will be good for the both of us," he replied simply. Tessa could tell that that was all he was going to say on the subject and there was no point in delving further. She walked towards the door before glancing back at Jem once last time with a deep frown and leaving. Jem watched her carefully, trying to steady his breathing because he knew that he was mere seconds away from flooding his eyes with salted tears.

"I'm going to die soon anyways."

* * *

><p>Tessa shut her bedroom door with a loud <em>smack<em> and slid down against it, using it to lean her body weight on. She closed and reopened her eyes, wondering what had just happened. She thought Jem loved her and wanted to be with her. She thought that everything was going to be the way they should. She thought that they would get married in a few month's time and spend their lives together. But what she _knew_, was that none of that was going to happen. And she was sure that it was because of Will. He had wormed his way into her heart as well and as much as she loved Jem, she loved him equally.

She wasn't quite sure why she felt this way. Should've she be relieved? Jem had made her decision so much simpler - she didn't have to choose anymore because there wasn't anything to choose between. But the thing was, she liked both of them and wasn't ready to give up either.

Jem and Will... They were polar opposites in every aspect, their appearances, their personalities. Jem was warm, Will was cold. Jem was light, Will was dark. Jem was day, Will was night.

Tessa leaned her head against the cool frame of the door, tracing the lines and cracks in the floor with a single finger. Both boys made her incredibly happy, more so than she had been in a long while. In the end though, Will...Will was Will - he infuriated her to no end and was reckless, unpredictable - but Jem, he was safe, he would do the best for her, she was sure of it. The more she thought about it, the more she wanted Jem to be the one. She could learn to live without Will, it'd take time but she could try, but a life without Jem seemed unimaginable. He was the better choice, he always was.

Will tapped on Tessa's door lightly, clearing his throat anxiously as he did. "Tessa...?" He waited for a short moment before rapping his knuckles on it again. "Tessa, are you alright?" The door opened just a crack and he could see the blurry movement behind it before a sliver of her face became visible. Her gray eyes were rimmed with pink, her nose scrunched up as her eyebrows furrowed, creating a crease in the center. Will couldn't help but just look for a second and admire how beautiful she looked, even as disheveled her current state was.

"I don't think you should be here right now," she said quietly, her lips fluttering quickly. She made a movement to close the door, but Will slipped his foot in the gap, noticing how a scuff mark was left on the material. "Will, please leave," she pleaded.

"Why?" He pressed against the door with the palm of his hand. "Things were going so well," he murmured, pursuing his lips in confusion.

"This, _us_, isn't going to work." She looked into his eyes with a steely gaze. "It never was."

Those last three words crushed Will. She never had hope, she was just playing with him all along. He had tried to please her. He had stood by while she announced her engagement to Jem and didn't protest. He wanted her to be happy. But it seemed that the only way that was possible was if he were miserable. He liked knowing that he had a slight chance, even if she was getting married. It was horrible of him, he knew, and twisted to even think that way about his _best friend's fiance_, but it kept him sane at the very least. But knowing that she never really thought they had a fighting chance, that realization was like when you had a tear in a shirt with one strand tethering the two pieces to each other and pulling at it until it snapped.

_He had snapped._

"Really, Tessa?" he replied back hotly, refusing to let the door close. "You are just like the person you seem to be. You play with people's emotions, you hurt them in the process. But it doesn't really matter, does it? As long as you get what you want in the end." He cut off Tessa's cry of protest, pounding on the door with a frustrated groan. "Why don't you do us all a favor and quit messing with our heads?" He shook his head in exasperation and anger and turned from her, heading down the hall, away from her.

He stumbled down the stairs quickly, his feet barely touching the steps as he bounded towards Jem's room. He wasn't exactly sure why he was going there considering the circumstances, but it was all he knew. Throughout the years he had spent at the Institute, Jem had come to be his source of comfort.

He slipped inside the room he was in without making a sound, but found the boy to be asleep. A look of disappointment crossed his face, but he took a seat in the chair that was positioned in the middle of the room. He gazed around, taking in the white that engulfed him - the chipping off-white color of the walls, the freshly cleaned white floors, the bed frame with a white coat of paint, the white bed sheets that smelled as if they were just washed - his eyes trained over Jem's face, taking in the silver white fair hair, his pale white face.

White symbolizes purity, innocence. It meant good, kind.

But here Will was wearing his dark, black attire. Marked with scars, a permanent reminder of all he's been through - all the wrong caused by him. And picking out all the reasons why he was the _wrong choice_. Why did he deserve Tessa? Jem was a far better person than he ever would be. He could name hundreds of things he had done that proved that.

A new emotion shone in his teary eyes - heartbreak, something he had never expected to experience. "I was better off afraid to love," he whispered to a room with nobody to listen.

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><p><strong>I hope the chapter wasn't too jumbled to read! I wanted to emphasize each character's inner predicament, but I wasn't sure how to so I just did this.<strong>

**I'm going to try to update sooner than I have been lately, but I don't know how that's going to go (because I've basically been watching Gossip Girl and on Tumblr all day, but yeah). I'm going to try. I outlined the rest of the story so it should be easier for me, since I know exactly what's going to happen. And I think the plan is four more chapters, then an epilogue! But the chapters are going to be long, so I might break them up? **

**And now, some shameless promo: Follow me on Tumblr! My URL is crawsford.  
>It's a multifandom blog (mostly One Direction &amp; Justin Bieber), but I basically post like anything that's pretty, haha. But yes, you should follow me. And if you do, send me a message and we can talk on there and have fun and shit. <strong>_Also, if like more than one person does follow me on there, I might start posting sneak peeks on there since I take forever to update._

**Okay, leave a review please! :) **(There are like two chapters left before you're going to verbally abuse me in the reviews so keep them nice. _Kidding, but you are going to want to abuse me tbh_.)


	7. Dying

**The next chapter is here! Sorry to keep you all waiting and yes, I know I suck at updating in a timely fashion. I wanted to get this out before The Clockwork Princess came out, but clearly that didn't happen. (I still haven't gotten it yet ahh - so no spoilers please.)  
>And as a side note, just remember that this story is meant to have happened after The Clockwork Prince. Otherwise, things may get kind of confusing? I'm not sure completely, but I'm not reading the new book until I've finished this story so I can keep things somewhat continuous. <strong>

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><p>Charlotte and Henry were sat at opposite ends in the living room, each absorbed in their own work. He had his newest gadget spread out on the table, fiddling with screws and bolts that made a tinkling sound as they hit the glass panels of the table. She was leafing through pages of the London newspaper, looking for anything out of the ordinary - and by that it was meant that she was looking for any Downworlder activity. A sharp rapping sound jolted her out of her intense examination of the papers.<p>

"Henry, could you get the door?" she asked, noting how he was much closer to it than she was. She gazed across the room at him, sighing as he paid no attention to her words and continued tinkering with his invention. She got up and strode across the room, her head shaking heavily as she wondered what she would do with him, and opened the door for their guest. She took in the figure and greeted him with a tight-lipped smile before stepping aside to allow him in. "Benedict Lightwood..," she said slowly, "To what do we owe the pleasure?"

He looked down at her firmly, "I wouldn't exactly call this a pleasant visit. There have been very grave things happening and as you and..," he drifted off, looking at Henry who was still oblivious to his presence. "As you two are the heads of the London Institute, it is your position to know of these events of course." He cleared his throat before producing a piece of parchment from his pocket and read from it. "On the sixteenth, at approximately ten in the morning, we were notified of an attack in an alley by the brothel. The victim was a young man, a mundane, but his wounds were anything but." He peered at Charlotte, noting as her expression morphed from one of confusion to slight dread. "The Downworlders," he clarified, confirming her fears, "are acting up again." At his pronounced words, Henry's head rose from his position of studying his little toys.

"The Enclave expects something to be done," Benedict Lightwood's eyes hovered over Charlotte in a demeaning manner, making her insides squirm uncomfortably though she'd never break her strong facade in front of him. "We will obviously begin action immediately and I suggest you prepare yourselves for the same." Charlotte nodded her understanding of the urgency of the situation and he began to leave. Just as he reached the door, he paused to glance back at Henry, who seemed fairly oblivious of what was happening. His next words regarding Henry sent a chill through her body. "And it might do you well to step away from the toys if you know what's best for you, Mr. Branwell."

Henry blinked, cocking his head to the side as he let himself out. "Did he just threaten me?"

His wife let out a harsh breath with a forced light barking laugh. "Lunch should be ready soon, I presume," she merely said, avoiding the topic altogether.

* * *

><p>She gathered Jem, Tessa, and Jessamine and they traipsed down the stairs in a cluster. But despite how they arrived together, it was hard to not notice the tension in the air as Tessa kept her arms rigid against her body and Jessamine snuck questioning looks at Jem who just stared at the floor emptily. When they arrived at the dining table, Tessa slipped to the other side of the room, taking a seat as far from Jem's as she could. Jessamine followed her, still watching Jem with a steady gaze. Charlotte raised an eyebrow curiously, but decided it'd be best to not meddle. As their lunch was placed in front of them, each of the five began shoveling food in their mouths and the air was filled with a silence.<p>

Jessamine spoke up, finally noticing the empty seat at the table. "There's a startling lack of sarcastic comments today." Jem cracked a smile, making direct eye contact with anybody for the first time in the day. "Where'd Will go?" Her eyebrows creased in the middle as her eyes prodded and searched the others for answers. She was met with equally confused stares and as she looked around the table, she was met with unconcerned shrugs. But when she looked next to her at Tessa, she offered her a small smile before looking down at her food.

"May Tessa and I be excused?" Jessamine said, startling the other girl from her distracted thoughts. When Charlotte acknowledged her with a curt nod, she grabbed Tessa, her fingers winding around her skinny elbow as she lifted her from the table and tugged her towards the door.

Once they were far enough away to not be overheard, the girls stopped walking and Tessa pried her fingers off her elbow. "What's wrong?" she asked defensively.

"What happened?" Jessamine demanded. Tessa blinked a few times blankly, her mouth ever so slightly open, but no words escaped. "Tessa, what happened?"

She inhaled and as her breath was released, her words came tumbling out quickly. "I chose Jem." Her eye twitched slightly, her heart thudding in her chest as the truth of what had happened sunk in. She made her choice clear and there was no going back. But she would always wonder what if, what if she had chosen Will - how different would things be? Jessamine's mouth opened in a little o-shape as she took in this new information. No wonder Will was gone, she thought to herself, he was avoiding them all. Tessa grasped her wrist nervously. "Do you think I made a mistake?"

She looked into her eyes cautiously, not wanting to reveal too much, but wanting to guide her as well. "It is your choice completely, who you want to be with. But I think it is obvious as well, that you will hurt the other in the process."

"And you think that Will is avoiding me because of it," Tessa filled in her thoughts with a miserable tone as her legs decided to give up and she slid down against the wall to the floor.

She hesitated, choosing her phrasing carefully, before expressing her view on the situation. "I think he's hurt," she replied quietly. "He doesn't give up his heart very easily because he's afraid to, he's afraid to be broken. He acts like he's fearless, that he's a strong brave person that isn't affected by what others think." She paused, her eyes glazing over as if she were lost in thought and she began saying what she felt at the surface within her. "Everybody cares. Will cares what you think especially. Because he loves you. All his life he thought he couldn't love, but he opened his heart to you. And you have no idea how hard it must've been for him to come to terms with that. I've known him years more than you and he still doesn't trust me. But he trusted you with his heart."

Tessa let out a dry noise, a cross between a sob and laugh. "Is this supposed to make me feel better?"

Jessamine smiled inwardly. "You should know that I'm not here to be your source of comfort. I'm here to tell you what you need to know." She reached her hand down to pull the girl off the floor and guided her back to the dining room. As they approached the doorway, she thought she heard Tessa faintly say "Thank you" and she nodded to herself, glad they had to change to talk by themselves.

"Is everything alright?" Charlotte asked as they retook their seats at the table to which she received two nods. Noticing their refusal to talk she let the matter go and allowed the meal to continue in silence.

* * *

><p>They had just finished with their lunch when Will entered the room, covered in a sheen of sweat and grime. Charlotte leapt up from her seat in slight shock and scurried over towards him. "What happened?" she yelped lightly, scrunching up her nose as the musky smell hit her suddenly. Tessa's eyes drifted over Will's body, a look of horror masking her face as she saw the bloodied boy. Will grimaced and nodded his head subtly towards the hallway, indicating for Charlotte to follow him. She did so and Will followed him, but not before Tessa saw his eyes flicker to Jem, a look of worry contorting his face. Jem paid no attention to what was going on, instead idly moving his mostly uneaten food around the plate. But Tessa knew that there had to be something wrong - Will so rarely displayed real emotion and she could see so clearly that he was in pain of some sorts.<p>

Will stepped into the hallway, ushering Charlotte further down away from the dining room in hopes of concealing his conversation from the others. "I went for Jem," he stated simply and she nodded her understanding at his mere explanation. From being around Will for so long, she had caught on quickly that less was more with him. He didn't need to convey his thoughts in so many words with her, she just understood. "There were complications," he stressed the last word, a dark heavy undertone accompanying it. He ran his fingers through his hair, messing it up further. Letting his hand rest at his side, he clenched and released it. His face tensed, his eyes pulling shut, before he relaxed. And he shifted from side to side, tapping his feet against the floor.

Charlotte grasped him by his shoulder, rubbing the pad of her thumb into the area by his collarbone soothingly. "Calm down, William, you can tell me what's wrong." She watched as he continued his fidgety actions for a few more moments before he stopped and looked at her, his eyes covered with glassy film.

"They won't give me it," he said miserably and when he saw Charlotte's bewildered expression, he went on, "Jem.. They won't give me it. I tried to fight, but they won't give me it." He processed in his mind what this would mean for his parabatai, how this would affect the people he had come to call his family, how Tessa would feel when she found out. He smashed his open palm against the wall, breathing heavily as he saw the pink as the blood rushed towards his skin and the tingling pain he felt spiking at his hand. He did it once more, and let out a roaring yell as well for good measure to vent his frustration.

And Tessa took the moment to let out the breath she had been holding and allowed some of the squeaking whimpers out, darting back out of sight from the two in the hallway. Her head was swimming and her stomach felt odd, as if she was going to throw up. But the most agonizing pain were the stabs she felt piercing her heart - the ones that made her feel like she was crumbling because after all, she loved Jem and she felt guilty that she didn't love him as much as he loved her, but she still thought she had time to work things all out. But time was running out and the end was soon, and she didn't want that. Jem was the nicest person she knew, he didn't deserve to die. And she wouldn't let him, she told herself as her mind began working out a plan to get the drug for him.

Charlotte reached out to touch Will, to try to calm him down, but her hand darted back to avoid another one of Will's spasms. "William Herondale!" she yelled, desperation clear in her eyes. "Please," she whispered, "explain."

He looked up at her through hooded tired eyelids, his eyes a startling color, a murky black that had no depth, that seemed flat and empty. "When I got there, it was a mess. Fighting everywhere. Werewolves, warlocks, vampires, the Downworlders are revolting." He wrung his hands together anxiously. "I don't think I can get the yin fen for Jem anymore. They made it clear that they wanted nothing to do with the Nephilim."

"Benedict Lightwood warned me," Charlotte murmured, her face growing a few shades lighter as she realized that the man wasn't lying. Things were bad and could potentially end in horrific disaster.

Will shook off the fact that they were all in danger, that was a matter to concern himself with later. But Jem could die at any moment without a supply of the drug. No matter how hurt he was, Jem would always come first. Jem had saved him when he was in trouble - gave him a family, a brother, a best friend, a reason to live.

* * *

><p>Tessa slipped quietly downstairs, her winter coat in hand as she tried to rush through the foyer as quickly as possible. "Where do you think you're going?" a deep male voice questioned, causing her to freeze in place. "I know you overheard the conversation," he said quietly, pushing himself off the wall he was leaning upon.<p>

"I need to visit somebody," she replied, her head tilting to the side to avoid eye contact because she knew that when she looked into his, she wouldn't be able to tell a convincing lie

Will's lips twitched, a smirk forming on his face as he made a dismissive noise of her excuse. "May I speak with you?" She sighed and turned to face him completely and nodded. "How do you feel?" he asked, the tone of his voice changing abruptly from a questionative one to a sympathetic one. When Tessa wrinkled her nose in slight confusion, he elaborated. "On Jem and the yin fen."

"I-I don't know," she stammered in reply. "How are you supposed to feel when somebody you love is going to die?" Will chuckled darkly, leaning forward to capture her hand with his larger, rougher ones. "I feel empty," she continued, a hallow tone to her voice. "I'm scared and I don't know what to do about it."

"That's good," Will remarked, "It shows you're human."

"And how do you feel?"

He looked at her and opened his mouth before shutting it again, unable to form the words to explain what he felt. "I have to do something for Jem," he stated. "But before I do, can you do something for me?" Tessa nodded, a concerned expression etched in her eyes. "Let me take you for lunch."

Tessa couldn't help but laugh lightly at how odd his request seemed to be, but happily obliged. She was glad to share one last happy moment with Will because after the night was over, she wasn't sure what would become of her life. "Where shall we go?"

"I know a place just a short walk away." He offered her his arm and she slipped her arm and hooked it around his elbow, straining slightly due to their height differences. As they walked in comfortable silence, she felt relaxed for the first time in days. This is what love should feel like, love should be easy. And at that moment, strolling leisurely in the rare London sun, she felt like everything was easy and all the chaos that were happening were worlds away. "M'lady," Will said with a happy tone as he held the door of the restaurant open for her.

When they returned from lunch, Will was extremely full and Tessa even fuller from having two lunches. She flashed him a quick smile, thanking him for the meal before retreating upstairs to her room. She looked at the place she had grown to call home - her safe place. It was much plainer than her old room when she lived with her Aunt, but it still radiated a sense of familiarity and comfort. She hoped all would go well and that she'd be able to return. It was too heartbreaking a fact to face that she might not see it again.

* * *

><p>Jem knew. He knew that Will was doing all this for him and he felt incredibly bad about it. He had never wanted this life for himself. He had never wanted to endanger anybody. But as the days went on, it seemed surer and surer that he was hurting the ones he loved. They were risking their lives to get his drug; they were risking their future all for a boy who was dying. It didn't seem fair to him, that they always had to be conscious of him. He knew they had more important things to do and he just got in the way. He knew that as long as he needed the yin fen, they'd be concerned for his health and unable to move forward with their own lives.<p>

It seemed like such a long time ago, that day. He was still young, at the age where a child is full of energy, bouncing around and never able to keep focus. And as a Shadowhunter, he was especially active. But that day never managed to slip his mind, no matter how badly he wanted to erase it from his memory, to get rid of the pain. He was so young and helpless. When the demons arrived, he remembered crying, pain, screaming. He remembered the desperate looks on his parents' faces as they stretched their hands to him but as soon as he could graze their fingers with his own, they were simply gone. And soon after, he discovered what had happened. He was going to die young - never marry, never have kids, never live to the age where he would complain that he wasn't as agile as he used to be. It all came rushing to him and he had wanted so badly to wake up from the nightmare but it never ended. That is, until he went to live at the London Institute. And he began to learn about family again and he grew and he didn't die. Because the others at the Institute understood and helped him.

He got the supply of the drugs he needed when he got weak. And he lived. But what if he didn't need them anymore? Jem wondered hopefully. He knew how easier this would make things for his family and he wanted so desperately that he would be strong enough to wean himself off it. He wanted to be able to live like a normal healthy teenager. For people not to look at him and his pale complexion and wonder what was wrong with him. To be able to go to sleep knowing that come the next day, everything would still be alright and he'd be happy. He wanted Will to train with him without the twinge of guilt in his eyes every time he bested the broken boy; he wanted Charlotte and Henry to not have to worry about him; he wanted Jessamine to look at him genuinely, not with sympathy in her eyes.

And he really just wanted Tessa to look at him the way she looked at Will - with adoration because he was strong, mentally and physically. He knew she loved him, but the way she looked at him was completely different and it frustrated him.

Angrily he looked at the little box on his desk, covered with shiny residue that lured him in. All it did was remind him of bad memories, of times that he'd much rather forget. He picked it up, staring hatefully at the powder inside that had ruined him and walked over towards the metal trash can placed by the wall. He hovered over it, every nerve in his body willing him to just throw it out. But there was that one thing nagging him in the back of his mind - his senses - telling him that it'd be an enormous mistake if he did. If he wasn't strong enough to make it without the drug, he'd die - it was as simple as that. He let out an exasperated yell, kicking the trash bin as he did so causing it to clang against the wall noisily. And he just stood like that, his chest heaving up and down heavily and garbage splayed across his floors.

"Jem?" a timid voice asked, pushing his creaky door open. He turned his head to gaze into her wide fear-stricken eyes. "What are you doing?"

He gulped, his eyes following her gaze to his tight grip on the small container. "Everything's okay," he managed to utter out, his voice coming out breathily.

* * *

><p><strong>I'll do my best to get the next chapter out soon, but no promises. Although I have all the future chapters outlined now so hopefully things will progress quicker. <strong>

**As always, leave a review! They're great motivation. :) **


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